Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Father, the truth about living with you.

I told your grandson today that it was the alcohols fault, but we both know that isn't entirely true.
I've carried this with me for some time, ignoring the pain and pushing forward,  because it's the only thing I know how to do.
When I was 10 everything in my life changed. It may have been because of your mother dying, as well as your nephew, but the pain you caused your family due to your inability to withstand the pain of loosing a loved one is something that will never go away.
You lied to us. You stole from us. You made my mother work harder to support your habit, because you couldn't hold down a job longer than a few months at a time.
Instead of paying the bills you bought beer. You drank in front us all of the time, and didn't have a care in the world if my friends saw you.
You called me names. You broke my spirit as an 11 year old girl. I should have been able to feel safe at home, but all I felt was fear. Fear that I may walk the wrong way and have you start yelling and screaming at me.
That wasn't the worst of it though. I learned to ignore you, or I fought back. I was the only one brave enough to say somethingto you, and that earned me more back lash.
Talking down to me and criticizing me was a day to day routine with you. One night you took it too far. The next morning, I'm not even sure you went to sleep, you still smelt like day old beer and you looked crazed. You didn't even let me get ready for school before you started with the "you are a piece of shit, no one is ever going to love you, you will never ammount to anything. And there are more, but those were your favorites. That whole first half of the day I spent in the guidance counselors office crying.
I didnt tell her why, I just told her I couldn't go to class, I'm having a hard day. But my friends, they knew everything. They sat there with me as I cried it out and told them what has been happening for the past 6 years. I will never forget that day. They made me feel like someone actually cared about me.
I couldnt turn to my sister, no, because you used her against me, too. Everytime you didnt like me she didn't like me. When you called me names and talked down to me, she was right there with you. Nobody can hurt my baby girl, aint that what you said?
Well you did a hell of a job no letting her get hurt, because you weren't there keeping safe from her abusive boyfriend. Nope. She was being abused and probably thought it was okay, too. Because growing up in the environment we did taught us to respect what the man wants.
Do you know that I thought up ways to make you proud of me. I did everything I could to get you to love me like you did my sister. But I guess me not being your real daughter put a damper in that.
I don't do that anymore. I live for me. I feel free and alive and its part of the reason I wanted to move away. I would have sooner had it not been for me getting pregnant at 16.
But I guess having him was the best thing that happened to us. Me getting you arrested for trying hit me while your grandson was inside of me was the last straw. That is when I threatened to keep him from you.
You changed. Stopped your drinking and drugs. You still had your lines you used and you still do to this day. The way you treat my mother is not okay. You are supposed to show her how much you love her. Not treat her like shes a piece of trash. She stood by you for a very long time, even after I told her to leave you. She wont. You need to change or elseall anyone will remember of you is how cruel and abusive you were.
I told your grandson today that it was the alcohols fault, but we both know that isn't entirely true. We need a husband, dad, and grandfather now. Someone to love us, and treat us woth respect. Not someone who doesnt care what goes on.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Just checking in

I have been very busy planning this and that. Juggling a ton of things all at once, and I think I have finally managed to ease it all down to nice steady pace. I can come on here and post to you all, I can write more of my book, I can just sit back and relax. It feels so good not having any extra stress to dwell on.
How much time do you spend on reading? How much time do you dedicate to your job(s)? Is there something in there that you are missing, or wanting to do more of? Or are you one of the few people who have everything worked out to an exact science? I need to read a book a week. I went a few months without reading and I asked myself why I felt so, so closed off. That is when I remembered the last time I read a book was at least a month and a half ago. I picked up a book and started to read. The next thing I know I am done and picking up the second and third. I finished the whole series in four days. I did nothing of what I needed to do, like write, clean, cook. I did the showering and going to my full time job, but everything else took a back burner.
Getting lost in those books helps me relieve my stress, it's what helps me escape reality long enough to become someone else and rid myself of the stress of my everyday life.
I figured out, if I come home once a week and relax by reading I feel like a whole new person. I can achieve anything after my mind, body, and soul have been transported to another dimension. I also realized that trying to cram everything into one week, when it should take three or more, is a good way to drive myself to the loony bin. I would like to stay here. Where I am comfortable and able to do as I please.
So my releases I had planned out in the beginning of the year are not going to happen. I have already missed my deadline for the 3rd Pandora book, and the others are falling back because of it. I still plan on having two more out by the end of the year, but the 5 I planned are long gone. I'm sorry. Crap happened and I became completely unmotivated to do anything.
Well, I hope you have a stress free week and remember, by slipping away into a book once in a while you become a happier version of yourself.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Thoughts

I was sitting at home one night. It was raining and just plain blah. I sat down to watch my favorite shows and then thought better of it.
Instead, I went to my computer and devised a new plan. A new strategy. I know some people are seeing this. If you see these posts regulary, please comment and let me know your thoughts.
I want to create a new kind of bloghop. Do you remember me doing the seven 11 bloghops last year? Well, thats kind of what I want to bring back, only reinvented. We won't be sharing works that are in the works, we will be sharing works that are out and may need a little more attention. Inside of these hops I want to include giveaway(s) how many depends on my group of authors that want to join me.
Now, here is where you come in.
Do you want to have the option to visit every blog in one day at one time, like the seven 11 one did, or do you prefer to visit them one day at a time?
Do you want a grand prize giveaway, or do you want multiple chances of winning?
Your feedback is vital for my upcoming ideas, so please, don't be shy. I promise I won't bite. 
With this being said, I hope to hear from you, the readers, on your take and preferences of bloghops.
Thank you for your continued support, although silent, I love seeing my quiet lurkers. Have a blessed day.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

$.99 SALE on ALL books!

Return to Pandora, Into Pandora, and Devina are only $.99!!!!!
This sale ends May 23rd.
It's only available through Smashwords.com.
Be sure to use the following PROMO CODES at checkout!
LU89G - PROMO CODE for Return to Pandora
YR47C - PROMO CODE for Into Pandora
KS875 - PROMO CODE for Devina

Thank you all so much for all of your support. I hope enjoy them. ☺

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Devina Last day!

Today is the last day to get Devina for only $.99!
Here is what it's about:

When I was five years old, I watched as my parents were brutally murdered before my eyes. Now, twenty years later, I have become something most humans fear, and I am back with a vengeance to kill the two men responsible for ripping my family away from me.
I am what humans like to call a vampire, but I am far more lethal than the vampires you see on T.V. If you cross paths with me, you will likely die in the crossfire. My name is Devina Lockwood, and I am here to kill the President and Vice President of the United States of America.
Like it? Get it here

Friday, April 1, 2016

Devina Is live!!!!!!

Hey everyone. I know I have been MIA for a while. I just want to let you all  know that Devina is out and we are rocking it. She is sitting pretty in one of her categories, at #25!!!!

Here is what it is about:

When I was five years old, I watched as my parents were brutally murdered before my eyes. Now, twenty years later, I have become something that most humans fear, and I am back with a vengeance to kill the two men responsible for ripping my family from me.

I am what humans like to call a vampire, but I am far more lethal than the vampires you see on Television. If you cross paths with me, you are likely to die in the cross fire. My name is Devina Lockwood, and I am here to kill the president and the vice president of the United States of America.

You can get it here.

I hope you enjoy it and please, leave me a review, good or bad. Every single one helps me and future customers.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Sale

Hello everyone!
Hurry #ReturntoPandora is only $.99 for a limited time! Get your copy now before the price goes back up!

A few days before my sixteenth birthday, my mom tells me I’m a princess—a princess with magical powers and a duty to defend the kingdom of Pandora against the evil queen who killed my father. In fact, she’s the reason my mom faked my and her own death. Now that my powers are coming, I don’t have a clue how to prepare. Will my magic kill me or my lifelong best friend Zack? Will I be able to master them in time to destroy Christina before she wreaks havoc on Pandora?
Everyone expects me to fulfill my destiny, but fighting for people I’ve never met might not be worth the risk. At least, I have Zack by my side.

Get it here